II
"Fancy a fag, darling?"
Diana holds out an open silver cigarette case across to Adora, who sits at the high-backed end of Aggie's chaise lounge, with Aggie herself leaning back against the tapering middle part.
Adora shakes her head. "Not now, Di, thanks."
"You, Ag?"
"No, thank you. Never wanted to, never will. I'm a beer girl." Aggie proudly lifts her bottle of Schmpf.
"You don't know what you're missing!" She turns to Mary just as she takes another pull from her second Schmpf. "Want to try two vices at once?"
Mary also shakes her head. "This one will do for right now. Besides it's really just so refreshing."
Diana grins wryly and darts her hundredth or so glance at Mary's bare breasts. "So I see."
"I'd also quit that one a long time ago and have no intention of returning to it anytime soon."
"I really can't believe you're going to do that, Di," chides Adora.
"What, darling? Smoke?"
"Yes, in this awful heat. Do you want to feel like you're burning outside and in?"
Diana smiles as she pauses to ignite a cigarette with a silver lighter and takes a long drag before exhaling the smoke in a little white puff above her head.
"Well, seeing as I've been told often enough that I'm going to burn anyway-"
"Di!"
Diana sighs. "Mary, what about Lidia and those lovely glistening boys over yonder? I don't give a shit about the rest of 'em, they can get their own."
"Lidia might be interested later but I don't think any of them smoke. Of course I don't care about the others, either, but I imagine cocaine and tobacco would be an awful mix anyway. I'm really amazed they're still even alive at this point."
"There's still time for that to change, Mary."
"Yes, but not in my house, Di. And not anymore. If it's all the same to you ladies I think the 'Nepenthe' should dry up for good. It-it just feels pointless now."
"I agree, Mary," says Aggie.
"Absolutely," adds Adora.
"Yes," says Diana softly. "'S too bad they couldn't think of something like that to use with women, although I do have an idea of my own."
"What is it?" asks Mary.
"Oh, don't encourage her!" sighs Adora.
Diana chuckles and puts out her cigarette stub in a little olive-colored ashtray situated between her and Mary, then lights up a fresh one as she answers. "Well, ladies, picture if you will four naked women crouched down on hands and knees, each one with their bodies aligned in the four cardinal directions, pretty heads together, lovely bottoms out, under a low, round table covered with a large sheet of hammered gold, gold the color of a Spanish doubloon, with the outer rim bent up vertically about an inch to an inch and a half high. At least."
"Bold," muses Aggie. "And I would know."
"Sounds interesting, Di, but what's this piece's draw?" asks Adora.
"Oh, don't you see it, darling? Well, I did say 'lovely bottoms out', didn't I? Out! So that anyone-"
"Christ, Di!" exclaims Adora.
"Just striking another blow for equality in the Modern Arts, darling!" Diana retorts as she blows an air kiss to her partner.
"Well, then, in that sort of scenario and all things being equal those poor lads over there would have to fuck any and every woman who was a guest here, wouldn't they, Di?"
"Why not? All may fuck who can!"
"And-and the hostess?" Mary asks mock-hopefully.
"No, she must needs attend to her guests."
"Damn! So would you suggest using, well...whores for that?"
"Those, or really any young girls of easy virtue will do. And any monies, mostly for said whores, may be laid on the table. Honor system, don'tcha know."
"And what about buggery, Di?" Adora asks sarcastically.
"Not n-oh, you meant-well, for who, exactly?"
"Anyone. Men or women."
"That should really be left to the host or hostess' discretion."
"And the guests' comfort," adds Mary.
"Naturally."
"Not a bad idea, Di!" chirps Aggie. "Would never involve myself in it, but still."
"Yes. Too bad it won't happen," mutters Adora.
"Oh, not true, Addie me gel. We could set something like that up at the 'Lysistrata Club' in Cheltenham, or even 'Hell-Fire Harry's' in Fitzrovia. We could! Haven't hit upon a name for it yet but it'll come, no doubt." She pauses to twist the second stub into the ashtray. "Besides 'Neo-Fauvism' really feels a bit blase to me now."
Adora sits up ramrod straight and gapes at her girlfriend. "What? Blase? Di, you've never said-how can you say-damn it, just what are you saying?!"
"All's I'm doing, my darling, is thinking out loud. Simple. And these thoughts are really quite new."
Adora arches an eyebrow. "How new?"
"Excuse me, ladies," interjects Mary, standing abruptly. "I really can't take it anymore."
"What is it, Mary?" Aggie asks.
"There's something that needs doing right now." She hands her empty beer bottle to Aggie and swiftly strides over to the 'Titans' table. With no hesitation she stands at the lower edge, inhales deeply and stuns all in the room by cupping her hands to her mouth and bellowing, "TIME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE!!!!" In the ensuing brouhaha Mary calmly and lovingly informs the 'Titans' of her party's end and for them to clean themselves up which, still masked and phallused, they do eagerly and without question. Diana offers a cigarette to a grateful Lidia, and both gleefully smoke and watch Aggie and Mary herd the chittering, protesting aristos in a gradual swoop out the front door. Adora simply sits and gapes.
"NononoImnotnotfinishedyetMaryyoucan't-!"
"DamnyouMissMontaguehowdareyouhowdareyouIamapeeroftherealm!"
"OhpleasepleaseMarydon'tshutusoutitsveryquitetoohotoutside!"
"SHUT UP!!" Mary roars. "AND GET OUT!!!"
"YEAH, VAMOOSE, YOU ORNERY VARMINTS!!" adds Aggie with melodramatic brio.
"Love it," purrs Diana.
"Si!" agrees Lidia heartily.
_______________________________________________________
"Well, gentlemen," declares Mary, her upper body now mostly concealed in a loosely fastened men's shirt, "I do believe a few introductions are in order."
"Go it!" says one of the men jauntily.
"Lay on!" adds another.
"Quite," says Aggie.
The four former 'Titans' stand across from the other three women and shake hands as Mary announces the latters' names. "Now I think you already know my-my good friend Arch Windham."
Arch smiles and bows. "A pleasure meeting you again, ladies!"
"Good Lord, how you're blushing, Mary!" notes Diana wryly.
"Oh, shush! Now moving on, here's the man without whom part of that silly endeavor would not have been possible - Dr.Trevor Trewe!"
Aggie gasps. "What?! Trevor Trewe Trevor Trewe?! The one who-!"
"That's right, Miss Dovecote," says Trevor with a chuckle as he holds up a small, cinch closed velvet bag. "I brought the party favors, so to speak."
"Well, not for us, obviously!" snorts Diana.
"Did any of your patients who use them ever know you, well, 'borrowed' them and for what purpose?" asks Adora.
"Actually these aren't the only set I have, Miss Canning, there are other ones made specifically for my patients. But yes, I did tell them regardless."
"And so?" asks Diana.
"It was absolutely astounding. They burst out laughing, and quite hard too! Thought a few of them might give up the ghost on the spot. I really didn't expect that reaction by half but...it was rather nice to hear." He glances sadly down at his shoes. "I don't most days."
"Do you believe laughter was the best medicine, then?" asks Lidia.
"Not quite, Miss Belzoni, but it can be damned helpful for them sometimes!"
"I'm very glad of that, Trevor," says Mary. "But now if I may move on to these next gentlemen-"
"Lady Mary," says one of the gentlemen in question, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but you ought to know that Lord P____ and I really must leaving now."
"Oh? What for?"
"Lord M____ and I playing in a match over at Lord's that's to begin at 2:30," says Lord P____. "It's near two now but we'd like to get there a bit early, if that's possible. We've got our own bats, balls and wickets in here, too, in case any of you were wondering." He holds up a large, shapeless black leather bag.
"Woof! Playing cricket in this weather!" exclaims Diana. "Are you both mad?"
Lord M____smiles boyishly. "Perhaps, Miss Dumont. But I suppose Englishmen, like mad dogs, must also go out in the afternoon sun."
"That's the silliest thing I ever heard!"
Lord P_____ chuckles and shrugs. "At any rate we really must be going. I don't speak for Lord M____, Miss Montague, but this whole being starkers around people with and without severe addictions was, well, quite a new and liberating experience for me."
"Very," says Lord M____. "Thank you, once again, for that opportunity, Miss Montague. Odd though it was."
"Oh, no, thank you, gentlemen!" replies Mary. "Sometimes I can't believe it ever happened. But for sure it's over now and-say, may I borrow one of your cricket bats for something quickly?"
"I-suppose so, Miss Montague," Lord P____says as he trades puzzled glances with Lord M____. The former unzips the bag and hands her a pocked wooden bat crisscrossed with scars.
"Thank you," Mary says sweetly. "Won't be but a moment!" She hurries over to the glass table and, while keeping her eyes shut and face averted, smashes the pane with the bat in one powerful blow.
"Mary!" shouts Aggie.
"Oh my God!" exclaims Diana.
Mary violently kicks the table over, sighs and returns the bat to Lord P____. "Nepenthe is now permanently dry. Forever and ever." She pecks both him and Lord M____ on the cheek. "Now go. Play a ripping game but please, please don't overdo it in this weather." The startled Lords bow to her and the others and make a hasty exit.
"You really shouldn't have done that, Mary. Flying glass bits and all that. Not safe," chides Trevor as he scans her face and arms "I don't see any cuts on you, though."
"Lucky me."
"Quite." Trevor smiles and winks. "Thanks for that, by the way."
"Oh, I did it for all of us."
"Well, I'd love nothing more than to stay and help clean that up but I ought to return to the hospital for rounds. And bring these back, of course. Is that all right?"
"Trevor, I've always been amazed at your stamina, let alone that all four of you have come here again just for this, so yes, by all means go. You've served Art quite well, but thou art now released from that damnable Hades." She kisses him on the cheek. "And give those beautiful boys my regards, will you?" she whispers.
"I shall." He bids all goodbye and slips out also into the summer heat.
"Right, before anyone speaks, Diana, may I have a fag, please? Don't dare say a word." Diana supplies her friend with one and lights it. After taking a few drawn out, satisfied puffs she says, "Let me see...Aggie, Lidia, Diana, Adora and Arch."
"That's us, pardner!" declares Aggie.
"I've an excellent idea, but are any of you willing to remain and hear it out?" The five all heartily agree.
Mary grins and glances at the clock on the mantelpiece. "Good. Then who wants to take the 2:15 to Brighton for a nice cool bathe in the goddamn English channel?"
TO BE CONTINUED
