It's dinnertime in Anytown, Anywhere in the American Midwest, and the scene is the drive-thru window of a generic fast food restaurant. King George IV (that's right, you heard me) is stationed at the first window, ready to take the next order. His shift is almost over and business has been slow so George has a wide grin on his pudgy face in between gaping yawns and is humming a happy tune, probably something by The Sex Pistols (ha ha! - "No Feelings" perhaps? Yeah, right!). Meanwhile his father King George III pulls up to the intercom in one of those small, boxy Mini Coopers he couldn't fit his entire family into, Handel blaring on the radio. And after studying the menu board (or whatever you call it) for a few minutes he rolls down his window and prepares to speak into the intercom.
Geo.IV (
cheerfully): Welcome to A Generic Fast Food Restaurant! May I take your order?
Geo.III (
turns down the radio): George! Is that you, boy?
George IV, mildly surprised at hearing his father's voice but more irate at being called "boy" when in fact his age ranks at least in the high thirties/early forties (see top picture) not only does
not answer his father in the affirmative but also, as a way to treat himself after such a dull shift (not least because the day old fruit pies he could nosh on are rock hard and sawdust dry and the shake/sundae/froyo/smoothie machine is broken AGAIN! Gotta get on that, Dave, you're the GM!) decides to have some fun at the old man's expense. Attend!
Geo.IV (
badly (
and probably unnecessarily)
mimicking intercom static): Bzz...um...
Geo.III: What was that? Is that you, George?
Geo.IV (
in an equally bad Midwest American accent): Bzz...no...bzzz...Chip...bzz...
Geo.III: Oh. I'm quite sorry, Chip. You sounded just like my son George there for a moment. (
muttering) The fat turd! Is he still in there?
Geo.IV: Bzz...uh, no...bzz...he left early...bzz...may I take your order?...bzzz...
Geo.III (
sighs): Figures. Right, Chip, was it? Say, got anyone named Fish working in there? (
He chuckles at his own joke as Geo. IV facepalms.) Anyway, yes, I'd like fourteen Ecstatic Meals. (
aside) For my bouncing brood, of course. Even George. (
muttering so low the audience (
if there be one)
can barely hear him) The turd! And a small salad and I suppose a medium-sized Diet Soft Drink. (
aside) For my lovely bride. Happy queen shan't be mean, what what? (
chuckles) Yes, that'll be all, Chip. I suppose I shall fend for myself at home tonight.
Geo.IV (
grinning impishly): Bzz...okay, hold on...bzzbzz...
Geo.III (
turns up the radio a bit more): Those damned Ecstatic Meals are going to cost me a small fortune! Oh, well. I wonder where George gallivanted off to. Hmpf! Figures he'd leave early. Won't stay 'til the very end! Just like him to do it, too, the turd!
Geo.IV: Bzz...okay, so that's...bzzbzz...a hundred Ecstatic Meals...bzzbzz...small fries...bzz...a large diet Mr. Cola...bzzbzz...heeheehee...
Geo.III (
surprised and irritated): What what? What was that? What did you say?
Geo.IV (
a scarily good Butt-Head imitation): Bzz...uhhh, so your total is, like...bzz...$225.50...bzz...or something...bzz...huh-huh...
Geo.III (
P.O.'d now): WHAT?!! Now WAIT just a minute, Chip!!
Geo.IV (
back to British accent, no 'static'): My name is George. Please pull up to the second window, you old fart!
Geo.III: What th-GEORGE!!! Still in there!
Geo.IV: Ee-yup.
Geo.III: But-but I can hear you just fine now! There was so much buzzing going on that I-
Geo.IV (
mock-hauteur): Oh, I was rawther improving 'pon my honeybee imitations, fawther. Do you quite approve?
Geo.III: Well-I-I-wait!-you!-my order! (
suddenly figures it all out, and here comes the kaboom) GEORGE-YOU-AARRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Geo.IV: I didn't think so.
Oh, my goodness! Needless to say, George IV is now banned in perpetuity from the A Generic Fast Food Restaurant franchise for not treating his father as a valued customer, regardless of the fact that he hates his bally guts (and vice versa). And George III is placed in a mental hospital-and not because of his porphyria affliction (i.e. "madness"), either. G'night all!
YE ENDE
DB.1996,7.2017,12.2022
Hmm. Maybe if it could be made to work like a clown car...
