Courtin' On The Continent!

I. Wooin' Miss Enfield!

She's tall an' dark,
an' she'll kinder kick ya
when she's layin' for an' argument
that ain't nothin' to do with ya.
But she's true blue an'll do yer biddin'
'long's you allus treat 'er decent,
keep her fed and clean an' allat.
The best thing is she's already got
hundreds o' thousands
of beautiful sisters o' equal measure,
an' each with her very own beau!
Oh yeh! They're never without one!
You can sometimes even see whole troops of lasses an' lads
promenadin' thro' field an' forest, 
coppice an' valley,
an' the lasses sometimes 'ave on
the latest 'at from Paris -
the bay-yon-net, if I'm sayin' it right.
How keen they all look
when they're a-marchin' in the noonday sun!
An' when they get to th' Line,
why, it's a reg'lar dance, innit?
'Cept the girls allus lead,
an' like I said they'll kick ya,
but only when they're
'avin' some turrible rows
with their rivals the Misses Mausers!


II. Dancin' With The Baroness Maxim!

Now that's some kinder wooman!
Shame she keeps such tight comp'ny
with them awful Jerries.
But I must say
she's been quite a smasher with us,
and no mistake.
Why, you should see how so many o' our lads
all go rushin' headlong o'er th' Line
an' over that gawd-forsakin' wasteland
just to even get a peep at 'er.
Well, they kinder don't, but the Baroness ain't so lah-di-da
'cos she does talk bold as brass to 'em.
An' when she speaks they do like
these happy little jigs in 'er 'onner,
not unlike Montez doin' her taran-teller bit,
and then fall down right dead at 'er feet.
Blimey! A right reg'lar man-killer she is, dontcha know.


III. Kissin' Frau Bertha!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
An' speak-AN' SPEAKIN' O' MAN-KILLERS,
WE GOT A RIGHT ONE-ER OF A STUNNER
IN FRAU BERTHA VON ESSEN!! OH YES!!
BIG GIRL!! BIG BIG GIRL!!! Hahahaha!
NO SENSE O' HUMOR AT ALL!!
CHRIST, SHE-hahaha!-SHE LIKES TO
PLAY TH' ZAN-THIPPY ON US POOR CHAPS, NO MISTAKE!!
OH, B'LIEVE ME, NO ONE WANTS TO
BE OUT THERE WHEN SHE'S LAYIN' ALL
SORTS O' LOUD-AN' I MEAN LOUD-VI'LENT ABUSE
ON US FROM TH' JERRY SIDE!!
Hahahahahahahahaha!
IT'S JUST-IT'S ALL WE C'N DO
TO JUST FUCKIN' COWER IN OUR BARRACKS
'TIL SHE'S DONE POUNDIN' ON US!!
AN' CHRIST, THAT CAN LAST FER DAYS!! DAYS!!
DAYSDAYSDAISYDAYSDAYS!!! Hahahahahaha!
OH, SHE HATES US, THAT ONE DOES!!
SHE MAKES THE BARONESS LOOK LIKE MARY BLOODY PICKFORD!!
Hahaha! TOOTOO TRUE!!
AN' YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT A KISS FROM BIG OL' BERTHA!!
NONONONONO, YOU DO NOT!!
NOT IF YOU VALUE YER LIPS, OR YER FACE
OR YER HEAD,
OR JEST YER WHOLE FUCKIN BODY!!
Hahahahahaha!
'COS I SEEN!! I SEEN!! I SEEN WHAT TH' BITCH DONE TO OUR LADS!!
I SEEN IT!! AN' SHE AIN'T GONNA GET AWAY WITH IT!!
YA HEAR THAT, YA COLD HUN SLAG?!!
YA AIN'T-!




DB/2015