Sunday, December 24, 2017
Aggie Dovecote and All Her Pals: Pt.2, Ch.6
VI
The dim, smoky shafts of dying sunlight barely pierce through the sooty ceiling windows stretching the length of Brighton Station as what Lidia had earlier deemed "half of England" or something quite close to it mill hurriedly about and pack the platforms in fidgety expectation of the five o' clock train to London, Oxford, Slough and parts north. Only the present trio of Aggie, Mary and Arch, now appearing much more refreshed and relaxed than when they first arrived a few hours ago, seem to display a picture of patient calm amidst the mad turbulence of rush hour.
"Damn it!" Mary irately ejaculates. "I wonder if the lovely chocs in my valise are all melted now!"
"Did you notice if they were a bit soft before?" asks Arch.
"I didn't, but I hadn't sampled any since I checked because I wanted to eat them later!" She hefts up her valise and fumbles to undo the straps with her less dominant hand, but thinks differently of it and sighs. "No, I'll wait 'til we're in our compartment to make sure."
"You can always put 'em in your icebox at home if needs be, Mary," says Aggie helpfully.
"Yes, but they won't be in their nice pre-melty round or boxy shapes, will they?" Mary keens. "Even if I put them in cold storage..." She sighs again. "Well, no, I suppose it's still chocolate, isn't it? Rather quite delicious, yes?"
"Ooh, always!" Aggie answers brightly, comedically licking her lips.
"Damn! Wish I'd bought a few from Gumm's, now that I think of it," adds Arch ruefully.
"I'll gladly share with the two of you," smiles Mary, who suddenly gasps. "Oh, no, the 'Tootle-oo's! Bloody hell, what if they're all sticky?!" She repeats the intention of opening her valise but demurs once again. "Icebox?"
Aggie nods. "Actually, Mary, may I now change the subject away from candy, scrumptious though it is?"
"Of course, Ag."
"Please explain to me once more why only we three are returning to London."
"Well, apparently Tim and Poppy came to Brighton with some friends that were here on some business, and they're quite eager to leave on the five o'clock express."
"Whilst being quite insistent that we needn't join them," says Arch.
"Well, they can have it, right? What's fifteen more minutes in beautiful Brighton? Or at least in its train station? And I think-yes! See them over there?" Mary points across the double set of tracks to Tim and Poppy standing nearly fifty yards away near the edge of another crowded platform, both seeming as fidgety as their soon-to-be fellow passengers."I shan't wave because they seem rather preoccupied."
"What friends? Who?"
Mary shrugs. "They never said. Seemed a bit reluctant to."
Aggie purses her lips.
"What are you thinking, Ag? Same suspicions you had on the pier?"
"Well, it's just-I still don't understand, why were they here, Mary, in Brighton of all places? Why not go to Ilfracombe or Weston-super-Mare or anywhere on the Isle of consarned Wight?"
"Blackpool?" offers Arch. "Ah, no, that's far too north even for a half-holiday. Southend-on-Sea?"
"Right. But its got to be more than the frigging candy they were here for, Mary! I'd like to know who these 'friends' are!"
"We could have gone to those lovely places too, you know. But it was an absolute coincidence that we met them here."
"Small island, I suppose," remarks Arch.
"Yes, I'm sure it was a coincidence, Mary, but still..."
"What of the other ladies, Mary?"
"Oh, yes, Arch! Thank you!" Mary blurts, quite glad to move away from the Tim and Poppy subject. "Diana told me that she, Lidia and Adora decided to remain here and lodge at a hotel to discuss, well...things."
"But doesn't Lidia have rehearsals for La Stupendo Nero this week?"
"I'm sure it'll just be for tonight. Besides she could sing Messalina in her sleep."
"Quite."
"What things, Mary?" asks Aggie.
"Mm?"
"What things were they going to discuss?"
"I don't know, Ag," sighs Mary wearily. "All I can tell you is that they seemed keen on some fantastic Greek island which made them squeal and leap about on the strand like giddy schoolgirls."
"I noticed," Arch remarks with a shudder. "Bit awkward, that."
"We all did, Arch, and yes, it was indeed. And no, Ag, I don't know what's quite so fantastic about the island but I rather don't care, and anything else they want to discuss is frankly none of our, as you might say, beeswax. But there's your final answer, Ag, as to why it's just us three riding back to London this evening."
"Oh," Aggie says glumly. "All right. Thank you, Mary."
"What's the matter, Ag?" asks Arch.
"Arch, it's...I'm a bit sad because I just-I just was hoping that we'd all return home as one big jolly party after rather victoriously giving the heat what for, even one including Poppy St. Cecile. I wouldn't have minded her much."
"I understand, Ag," Mary says softly. "That would've been nice. But that's not-"
"Yes, I know it's not. It's just how I feel."
"Ah, well. Would you like a 'Tootle-oo'?"
Aggie smirks. "Sure, if you can actually get your arm to work opening that thing."
"Let's find out, shall we?"
"Wait. Can I have a choc instead?"
"No, I want to check those on the train for meltiness, remember?"
Aggie pouts and stamps her feet. "Aw, I don't wanna 'Tootle-oo,' Mummay, I wanna choc!" she exclaims in a baby girl voice. "Choc! Choc! Choc! Choc!"
"Oh, heavens! Mary, I do believe our naughty little darling here is rather in need of a good public scolding!" Arch remarks dryly.
"Oh, how right you are, Arch, my dear! See here, little Miss Agrippina Dovecote!" Mary growls sternly, wagging her finger. "There'll be no chocs or 'Tootle-oo's or any sweets for you if that's how you behave in public, so please do go and button your brown-hole!"
Aggie starts. "Whoa, what did you say, Mary?"
"Later, Ag. I think I can hear the five coming." The three strain their ears westward seeking the familiar symphony of clickety-clacking train wheels on steel rails, the piercing tenor wail of an engine's whistle and the throbbing chug of smoke from its chimney. Then suddenly remembering who was to board the arriving train Aggie again looks back to the far platform and is stunned by a new and rather brow-knitting scene. "M-mary?" she says a bit hesitantly.
"Mm?"
"Look-"
"What?"
"Look back over at Tim and Poppy!"
"Why, what's going-oh, I see! My goodness! Well, that's rather interesting, isn't it?"
"I say!" exclaims Arch as he follows her gaze. "What do you ladies suppose that's all about?"
Their focus returns to their former beach mates arguing with two newcomers to the platform, a woman and a man over a head taller than she, the bare-armed woman wearing a chocolate brown summer dress with an interwoven cream-colored floral pattern, a matching handbag and cloche hat complementing her outfit, the latter seemingly clamped down over her head without any regard for style or finesse, while the man is rumply clad in an iron grey suit and fedora. Both constantly fidget with the dark sunglasses they each wear, and the tall man hunches his upper body over his companion in a frail attempt to seem inconspicuous.
"Who do you suppose they are?" asks Arch.
Mary peers hard at them. "If I didn't know any better I'd swear-"
"Dog. My. Cats!" Aggie interjects. "It's them!"
"Who, Ag?"
"Teddy and Ginny!"
"Really? Teddy and Ginny?" she says skeptically but peers again. "Hmm."
"See? He's a bit tall, right? And she's shorter. But if it weren't for those bloody sunglasses they've got on we'd know for sure!"
"Dog your cats, I do believe you're right, Ag!" declares Arch.
"Dog both your cats, so do I!" adds Mary excitedly.
"I knew they weren't here just for the sweets!" Aggie exclaims and vigorously waves her arms over her head. "Teddy!! Teddy, over here!! TEDDY!!!"
"Ag, no!" Mary hisses.
"Perhaps you shouldn't-" begins Arch.
"Oh, what the hell!" mutters Aggie. "Gin(ugh!)-VIRGINIA!! VIRGINIA, OVER HERE!! IT'S AGGIE!!! HELLOOO!! TIM!! Oh, why not-POPPY!! AGGIE OVER HERE, ALL!! HELLOOO!!"
The two people assumed to be Teddy and Ginny seem, upon first spotting Aggie, to shrink down in horror into themselves and abruptly turn away from the young woman, while for their parts Tim and Poppy, beaming reluctant smiles, politely wave back.
"Here it comes!" Mary shouts.
Even as Aggie calls out across the tracks the ascending clamor of the oncoming five o'clock express has finally culminated with its plunging down the track and slowing to a screeching halt amidst roiling, noxious clouds of smoke and steam, effectively cutting off not only Aggie's voice but their view of the opposite platform and all the would-be passengers on it.
"Mary, perhaps I should-" Aggie begins.
"No, you shouldn't," chides Mary. "Stay here."
"But if that's Teddy I'd like to-"
"No, let them all go, Ag. For now. Whatever reason Teddy and Ginny are here for is really between them and our other friends. Besides they seemed rather timid when they saw you so perhaps now isn't a good time for a parley."
"Mary's right, Aggie," chimes in Arch. "I'm sorry."
Aggie gazes forlornly at the great iron serpent hissing and stewing in its own fumes and vapors and at the rush of people inside the cars hustling up and down the passageways in search of compartments to comfortably alight in. She stands on tiptoe for a hopeful glance at Teddy or the others, to no avail, then looks glumly at her feet. "I have thought of him, you know, Mary," she murmurs. "Often."
"I don't doubt that in the least, my dear. Actually, Ag, if I'm not too forward in asking-do you fancy him?"
"Oh, no, not in that way. Not yet, if I would at all. Right now I'd like-I'd just-like-" She looks shyly up at Mary and Arch, tears running down her cheeks. "I-I'd really just like to try to make amends for what I did, you know? And perhaps we-we could even be great pals someday!" With a low bow Arch quickly offers her his pocket handkerchief, which she gratefully accepts and dabs at her face as she looks back at the train. "But I may never see him again."
Arch affectionately pats her shoulder. "Never say never, my dear."
"That does it! Arch, do please hold this, thank you," Mary gently commands as she sets her valise into his open arms to unlatch it. "Now Ag, would you like a 'Tootle-oo' or some other nummy thing I've got in here? You insisted on chocs earlier, correct? A Cadbury Egg, perhaps, or some McGlennon's Ginger Biscuits or even just a chew of Reggie's Imperial Gum? Pick your poison."
"A-a-I think just a 'Tootle-oo' please, Mary," a surprised Aggie replies. "Thank you. But weren't you-"
Mary abruptly pecks Aggie's wet cheeks. "Yes, I was, me lovely. I'll do it right now. So!" She paws through some toiletries and a huge wad consisting of her half dried bathing suit wrapped in a striped towel, in search of the famous Gumm's Sweets candy bags. "Here we are! Now let me see if...yes! nothing seems too too squishy, thank God!...and the 'Tootle-oo's...ah, a bit sticky but...here, Ag!" She proudly hands Aggie the cola-colored candy stick. "And Archie-pookins, what's your fancy?"
Arch's face suffuses into a pleased smile. "I say, Mary, you-you haven't called me that in years!"
Mary smiles coyly back up at him. "Well, I've rather missed it lately."
"But...our friendship..."
"Shall always be there. But I think I'd like to try us again. D'accord?"
"Oui, oui!" Arch nods vigorously. "Mary dearie."
Mary laughs. "I almost forgot about that! My, weren't we so silly then?"
"As silly as two people in love can ever be."
"Hey, lovebirds, their train's about to leave!" Aggie calls to them.
"Right! So...poison, Arch?" Mary asks.
"What? Oh, yes, candy. I think I'll have a bit of good old Reg's, thank you, even though do I find chewing gum-and chewing gum-a bit uncouth."
"Here you are. And a slightly melty Suisse Bloc for me and... done! Thank you so much for holding this, Arch!" She secures her valise from his arms and affectionately squeezes his hand. "You're the best of all English gentlemen!"
"You're quite welcome, Lady Mary," Arch whispers, blushing a little.
"Could you see any of them though the windows, Ag?"
"No," Aggie sighs. "And there they go."
The three observe the train crawl glacially along the track and then in minutes resume its rapid rhythmic pace as it exits the station at north by northeast, many bystanders waving it a hearty farewell. A glance after its passing at the opposite platform reveals not one soul left behind.
"Well..." Mary murmurs.
And so they await their own train back to London, Arch chewing his bit of gum with as much gentility as he can muster, Mary nibbling wistfully on her imported chocolate and Aggie playing a few doleful, clumsy notes of 'Home On The Range' on her candy of choice.
"Toodle-oo, all," she utters faintly.
_________________________________________________________
Aggie hadn't felt much like supping with Arch and Mary that evening at the tiny, smoky Soho cafe once highly recommended by Diana and Adora, not so much because she wasn't at all famished (a 'Tootle-oo' making for a poor meal) but because the many questions buzzing 'round in her head regarding Teddy and company (but mostly Teddy) kept her from being any sort of agreeable company to her friends, who seemed to vanish into their former roles of giddy sweethearts heavily enough that Aggie's own adopted and embraced role as third wheel seemed no less of a boon at the moment. Also she was quite glad enough not to face one of Diana and Adora's large neo-Fauvist masterworks displayed on the wall behind her chair, and tried mightily not to gag when the saucy garcon informed them that zealous admirers of their work would visually scour, and unfortunately attempt to extract before being roughly ejected from the premises, traces of what they happily detected were strands of pubic hair. And when Mary and Arch dropped her off at her building at Bethnal Green from the taxicab they shared a still amiable but weary Aggie congratulated her friends on their reunion and kissed them both good-night, then waved at the cab as it motored off into the dark towards the golden West End.
Bath, beer(s) and bed was to be the order of what punctuated the end of Aggie's busy day. The first two were easy enough, but she was still up at half past eight, wrapped in her white sateen robe while reclining languidly on her loveseat and nursing her second 'Schmpf'. A small oscillating fan that she had perched on the windowsill for a while circulated the cooler evening air into her living room, but switched it off when it soon became a bit too chilly. Now she gazes at her Victrola perched on a stand near the door and tinnily playing the dulcet jazz of Hugh Altwyn and His Orchestra, a British favorite on days or nights when she's not feeling quite 'hot' enough to listen to her more vigorous American jazz albums, and becomes nearly hypnotized, though not to any point of drowsiness, by the needle weaving back and forth along the grooves of the spinning black disk.
Suddenly there's a knocking at the door.
It's a staccato that's hesitant with the first few raps but, as Aggie attends to it in wonderment (because who in the hell would call on her at this time of the night?), seems to strengthen some after every pause. As she rises she polishes off her 'Schmpf', placing the bottle next to her first on the coffee table and then moves a bit tipsily to the door. She knows she ought to ask who's there but with a dearth of Rippers for vulnerable young women to contend with these days (and besides her weapons of availability a la fireplace pokers are right nearby) feels rather bold tonight, and so swings opens the door to view in full lamplight the visitor standing an inch beyond her threshold, someone who in that moment, she felt ashamed to admit later, put a little thrill of terror in her heart.
Teddy Crewecott.
And Maestro Altwyn lowers his baton.
DB/12.2017
Saturday, December 23, 2017
Lonesomehouse Blues
Mornin' sun peepin' at my windows,
Crawlin' through my front door.
Broken dishes in the kitchen sink,
An inch o' dust on the floor.
A cherry red compact
Is all that I got
O' my baby who done left me,
But it ain't a hell of a lot!
Oh, don't you know
I'm so lonesome,
'Cuz I got them lonesomehouse blues.
An' I feel so damn bad
From my head down to my shoes.
Sunlight bleedin' all over
Them long cotton rows.
Ain't none left to pick today,
But that's the way it goes.
I'd live an' die in these ol' fields
'Cuz they's all I know,
But I knows I gotta get up,
I knows I got to go.
Oh, I'm so lonesome,
'Cuz I got them lonesomehouse blues.
An' I feel so damn bad
From my head down to my shoes.
Gonna go look for my woman,
Gotta win back my wife,
I'll search this whole damn world
If it takes the rest o' my life.
Gonna pack up my shit
An' burn down this shack,
Let the fire take the fields,
I ain't ever lookin' back!
Yeah, I was lonesome,
'Cuz I had them lonesomehouse blues.
Gonna walk this long, hard dusty road
An' put a million miles on these shoes.
DB/12.2017
Friday, December 22, 2017
Why Ain't You Meet Me In Biloxi?
It right there on the bottom! Where you at, woman?!
Why ain't you meet me in Biloxi, girl?
Where the hell you go?
Why ain't you meet me in Biloxi, girl?
Where the hell you go?
We was gonna cross them gulf waters, baby,
Head down to old Santiago.
Why ain't you come to Santiago, baby?
Why'm I here all alone?
Why ain't you come to Santiago, baby?
Why'm I here all alone?
Knee-deep in paradise
But I be sad to the bone.
I'm gonna go back to Biloxi, woman,
'Cuz now I'm in the know.
I'm gonna head back to Biloxi, woman,
'Cuz now I'm in the know.
Got a letter from a pal o' mine
Sayin' you's still in Chicago.
I'm gonna go back to Chicago, girl,
An' I know where you at.
I'm gonna head back to Chicago, baby.
An' I know where you at.
Gonna greet you an' your lover, woman,
With my bran' new baseball bat.
I'M COMIN', HONEY!!!
DB.11/28/17
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
The Witch Poems (Repost)
Stygian Lady,
Femme of Night,
Sailing across
That Orb of White
'Stead of fear
There'd mayhap be,
Tonight I wish
To fly like Thee!
(Absolutely impromptu)
2nd Version
Stygian Lady,
Femme of Night,
Sails across
That Orb of White,
Sailing high
O'er tarn and tree.
Oh, how I yearn
To fly like Thee!
(Not so impromptu)
Good night!
DB.10/31/15 and 11/2/15
Monday, October 16, 2017
The Wrong Order: A One-Act Play
It's dinnertime in Anytown, Anywhere in the American Midwest, and the scene is the drive-thru window of a generic fast food restaurant. King George IV (that's right, you heard me) is stationed at the first window, ready to take the next order. His shift is almost over and business has been slow so George has a wide grin on his pudgy face in between gaping yawns and is humming a happy tune, probably something by The Sex Pistols (ha ha! - "No Feelings" perhaps? Yeah, right!). Meanwhile his father King George III pulls up to the intercom in one of those small, boxy Mini Coopers he couldn't fit his entire family into, Handel blaring on the radio. And after studying the menu board (or whatever you call it) for a few minutes he rolls down his window and prepares to speak into the intercom.
Geo.IV (cheerfully): Welcome to A Generic Fast Food Restaurant! May I take your order?
Geo.III (turns down the radio): George! Is that you, boy?
George IV, mildly surprised at hearing his father's voice but more irate at being called "boy" when in fact his age ranks at least in the high thirties/early forties (see top picture) not only does not answer his father in the affirmative but also, as a way to treat himself after such a dull shift (not least because the day old fruit pies he could nosh on are rock hard and sawdust dry and the shake/sundae/froyo/smoothie machine is broken AGAIN! Gotta get on that, Dave, you're the GM!) decides to have some fun at the old man's expense. Attend!
Geo.IV (badly (and probably unnecessarily) mimicking intercom static): Bzz...um...
Geo.III: What was that? Is that you, George?
Geo.IV (in an equally bad Midwest American accent): Bzz...no...bzzz...Chip...bzz...
Geo.III: Oh. I'm quite sorry, Chip. You sounded just like my son George there for a moment. (muttering) The fat turd! Is he still in there?
Geo.IV: Bzz...uh, no...bzz...he left early...bzz...may I take your order?...bzzz...
Geo.III (sighs): Figures. Right, Chip, was it? Say, got anyone named Fish working in there? (He chuckles at his own joke as Geo. IV facepalms.) Anyway, yes, I'd like fourteen Ecstatic Meals. (aside) For my bouncing brood, of course. Even George. (muttering so low the audience (if there be one) can barely hear him) The turd! And a small salad and I suppose a medium-sized Diet Soft Drink. (aside) For my lovely bride. Happy queen shan't be mean, what what? (chuckles) Yes, that'll be all, Chip. I suppose I shall fend for myself at home tonight.
Geo.IV (grinning impishly): Bzz...okay, hold on...bzzbzz...
Geo.III (turns up the radio a bit more): Those damned Ecstatic Meals are going to cost me a small fortune! Oh, well. I wonder where George gallivanted off to. Hmpf! Figures he'd leave early. Won't stay 'til the very end! Just like him to do it, too, the turd!
Geo.IV: Bzz...okay, so that's...bzzbzz...a hundred Ecstatic Meals...bzzbzz...small fries...bzz...a large diet Mr. Cola...bzzbzz...heeheehee...
Geo.III (surprised and irritated): What what? What was that? What did you say?
Geo.IV (a scarily good Butt-Head imitation): Bzz...uhhh, so your total is, like...bzz...$225.50...bzz...or something...bzz...huh-huh...
Geo.III (P.O.'d now): WHAT?!! Now WAIT just a minute, Chip!!
Geo.IV (back to British accent, no 'static'): My name is George. Please pull up to the second window, you old fart!
Geo.III: What th-GEORGE!!! Still in there!
Geo.IV: Ee-yup.
Geo.III: But-but I can hear you just fine now! There was so much buzzing going on that I-
Geo.IV (mock-hauteur): Oh, I was rawther improving 'pon my honeybee imitations, fawther. Do you quite approve?
Geo.III: Well-I-I-wait!-you!-my order! (suddenly figures it all out, and here comes the kaboom) GEORGE-YOU-AARRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Geo.IV: I didn't think so.
Oh, my goodness! Needless to say, George IV is now banned in perpetuity from the A Generic Fast Food Restaurant franchise for not treating his father as a valued customer, regardless of the fact that he hates his bally guts (and vice versa). And George III is placed in a mental hospital-and not because of his porphyria affliction (i.e. "madness"), either. G'night all!
YE ENDE
DB.1996,7.2017,12.2022
Hmm. Maybe if it could be made to work like a clown car...
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
If These 'Dolls' Could Talk, No.4 (A Really Brief Look Ahead)
Dramatis Personae
ALEXANDER THE GREAT, Eternal Champion
OSCAR WILDE, Dealer in Mots and Hisses
Do I really need to tell you what's happening? You see the photo, right?
OSCAR WILDE: OH, CHRIST, IS THIS LOVE-SEAT UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!
JESUS H. CHRIST (off): Told ya!
ALEXANDER THE GREAT (upon seeing my phone, testily): G'way! G'WAY!
DB (aka mich): I'm out.
DB/8.2017
Saturday, July 8, 2017
S'more Fun With Jay 'n' Sig
JESUS H. CHRIST: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
SIGMUND FREUD: SCHEISSSCHEISSSCHEISSSCHEISSSCHEISSSCHEISSSCHEISS!!!
POPE (Not-So) INNOCENT III (yes, really): I have found Thee at last, O Christ!! Suffer me to lay down and worship at Thine feet once again!!
JHC (panting): Crapcrapcrap, he's gaining on us!!
SF (same): How'd he even find us?!
JHC: Dunno!! Just keep moving!!
I3: Why dost Thou flee from me, my Lord? I am Thy good and faithful servant!
JHC: Shut up, asshole, SHUT UP!!
I3: Hath I not pleased Thee by vanquishing Thy enemies the heretical Albigensians?! Hath I not done right according to Thy will?!
JHC: Oh, for-HEY, DAN!!
DB (a.k.a. moi): Uhh, yeah?
JHC: DUDE, STOP TAKIN' PICTURES AND DO SOMETHING!!! GET THIS PRICK OUTTA HERE!!!
DB (a bit too snidely): Ahh, but doesn't Heaven help those-
JHC: OH, FUCK THAT SHIT, DAN!! DO SOMETHING!!!
I3: Fie! Such foul and ungracious language from the Lamb of God!! (spots 'The Satanic Bible' lying prone, gasps) Oh! This must belong to the white-haired demon there! An infernal influence! (to SF) Fie on you, Devil! Tempt not my Lord again!
SF: Ach, I'm neither demon nor Devil, Innocent! Dummkopf! I'm Sigmund, remember?! Besides that's his book, not mine!
I3 (roars): LIAR!!!
JHC: DAN!!!
DB: Alright, alright! (I pick up I3 by his feet, or rather the smooth plastic robes covering his feet, and whisk him away to the Box.)
SF: No, don't take him to the Box yet! Place him somewhere else for now!
DB: Ooh, I know!
I3: NO!! PLEASE!! O Almighty God, what hath I done to offend Thee?!?
DB (in a throaty booming voice, but not nearly impressively basso enough as God in 'The Ten Commandments' was, sad to say): IF I TOLD YOU YOU'D PROBABLY NEVER BELIEVE ME, INNOCENT!! HAH!! NOW INTO MY SPECIAL INSECT-CATCHING JAR WITH YOU!!! (I insert him into my special insect-catching jar. Chill out, PETA, it's strictly for catch-and-release! Jeez!)
JHC: Noice!
SF: That's some good Fourth Wall breakin', Jay!
JHC: That oughta hold him for now, at least 'til he calms down. Thanks, Dan!
SF: Ja, danke!
DB:YUP! I mean, yup. Okay, I'm gonna take 'Not-So' Innocent away now, guys. See ya!
I3 (muffled): Noooooooooo!
SF: RUHIG!!
JHC: But remember don't put him in the Box yet, Dan!
DB: Got it!
SF: Look, look, here come the ladies now, Jay! Let's skee-daddle!
JHC: Right-o, but first (as they both exit) ladies and gentlemen...
LOOK WHO'S NEXT!!
ANNE BONNEY (sullenly): Aannd women get the Bronze!
MARIE ANTOINETTE: Merde!
AB: I'm not cleaning all this bloody mess up, either!
MA: Non!
AB: Belay that, Marie! I know you speak English!
MA (giggling): Oui!
AB (sighs): Whatever. Okay, then, so I guess our turn's coming up soon, isn't it? Eventually. If everyone out there's got that squared away then I'm outta here!
MA (nervously eyeing Anne's weaponry): A-anne?
AB: Yeah?
MA: Please don't kill me!
AB (sighs as if for the millionth time, as they exit): Couldn't if I wanted to, Your Majesty. And I don't.
DB/7.2017
Thursday, June 29, 2017
If These 'Dolls' Could Talk, No.2
IF THESE 'DOLLS' COULD TALK
Number Two
Dramatis Personae
JESUS H. CHRIST, Messianic Cult of Personality Icon
SIGMUND FREUD, Infamous Psychoanalyst
"Hallo!" "Wassup?!"
Subject: JESUS H. CHRIST
JESUS H. CHRIST (sighs): Figures it'd be about me. Again.
SIGMUND FREUD: What, is that a bad thing?
JHC: Well, sometimes, sometimes not. The thing, Sig, for me, is that when you're Jesus Christ, 'Messianic Cult of Personality Icon', apparently, you really can't be anyone else, right? It can get tedious sometimes.
SF: Who else would you want to be?
JHC: Just a regular slob, I guess. Just a stranger on a bus trying to make his way home.
SF: Ach, I love that song!
JHC: Yeah, yeah, so do I! It's awesome, right? (sighs again) But certain people...
SF: Oh, don't sweat 'em, Jay.
JHC: No, no, I don't. So what makes you so "infamous", Sig?
SF: My Penis Envy theory, for one thing. Women don't have 'em but really really want 'em.
JHC: Uhh, you sure about that?
SF: Absolutely ja.
JHC (snarkily): So do men have Breast Envy?
SF: No idea. We could discuss it further but should we perhaps begin the session now?
JHC: Yeah, I guess so.
SF: First I really need to ask, what was that back at Weihnachtszeit? That thing you said?
JHC: What?
SF: "Totes wrong-o, dudes." Remember that?
JHC: Of course, I remember everything. But hey, that was just my way of tryin' to connect with the young shorties, knowwhumsayin'? For shizzle, Big Sig!
SF: Oh, ja, uh, Cray Jay. I'm hep to your jive, mein Mann. Really. Just please don't do it ever again.
JHC: I won't if you won't. "Cray Jay"? What the hell?
SF: Can we just sit now? Or try to?
JHC: I'll lie down on this sofa, though I barely-oof!-can in all my gloriously robed bulkiness here, but you should probably stand.
SF: Why would you say-(examines his body)-ach, that's right. Can't bend my limbs.
JHC: My condolences, Sig. Shall we begin the talking cure? (coughs)
SF: Ja, ja. So what is the starting point here? The Bible?
JHC (excitedly): Hey, yeah! That book is something else, isn't it?
SF: It is? I mean, of course.
JHC: Yeah! It's concise, intelligible, readable, oh, so fascinating, and hey, I know who actually wrote it!
SF: Those are some quite, um, interesting adjectives to describe the Holy Bible.
JHC: The Holy B-? Oh, I thought you meant-oohh...n-no, uh, no, forget I mentioned it.
SF (pause): O-kay. Hmm. (to himself) Wish I had a verdammt notebook!
JHC: It'll all be on the record, Sig, trust me.
SF: But if you didn't mean that book then-
JHC: Just move on for now. Please.
SF: All right. Your mother-
JHC (with sudden melodramatic vehemence): HOW DARE YOU, SIR!!! MY MOTHER WAS A SAINT!!!
SF (slightly taken aback): Uh, I didn't-
JHC (chuckling): I know. Sorry about that. But no, she was great. Joseph, too. Poor guy doesn't get enough credit. Should've made him an honorary disciple.
SF: Very nice. You were a good son. But if I may return to the Bible for a moment-
JHC: I think, at most, all you need to know or study from that book, in order to lead a goodly, pious, peaceful, sucking up, I mean God-pleasing, anal-tight sort of life is to abide by what's written in the Beatitudes and the Sermon on the Mount. At most. And mean it. If that's your thing, that is. Most everything else is just stories. That may not be what many, or even you, Sig, want to hear from me, but that's my own belief.
SF: So-
JHC: Simplify, simplify: my motto. Bread without the circuses, no bells and whistles...signs and wonders.
SF: Interesting. So what's your simpler version of the most popular and widely read, interpreted and, oh yes, bloodily battled over book in the Western hemisphere?
JHC: Simple. Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes. That's it.
SF: Wow.
JHC: That was mine before Bill and Ted's, y'know.
SF: No, it wasn't.
JHC: No, it wasn't. But shall I go on even though you may be shocked by what I may say, Sig?
SF (chuckles): You never shock me, Jay. Only surprise. But if I may ask, and I should have before, how deep down into the well of your psyche do you want to plumb today? About the pleasures and pains of demigod-hood? Torture? Crucifixion? Resurrection?
JHC: No. (pause) None of that really happened to me, by the way.
SF: It-really?
JHC: Why would it? It's horrible and cruel! A new covenant! Pah! And just for tabula rasa's sake! What's called 'sin' is really just human nature, by the way. What would it have been for? The chance to be a so-called good and faithful servant-good lord, to do what?-sing? worship me 24/7? wash my feet? iron my robes? polish my nimbi? (don't got none!) or all the angels' nimbi or some crazy shit like that?-in some blissful, gauzy, Edenic paradise, and that's how it happens?! No! Wondrous eternal life where there apparently hadn't been before, even though a loving, merciful God could have created it that way from the very fucking beginning of the Universe, without the stark fear of hell to contend with?! Ucchh! No, Sig, I'm not that, I'm not the naked, stricken, tortured Christ of that ugly symbol. Don't believe the hype. Also I lied about Mary and Joseph earlier.
SF: I see. So what did happen to you?
JHC: Oh, I was created with plastic and paint in a toy factory, just like you were, Sig. Just like all of our Box friends. We're DOLLS, dude, parent-less dolls! Didn't you know that about us?
SF: Aahh, ja. Ich hab' dass vergisst. Don't know how I'm speaking German, though.
JCH: Neither do I, to tell the truth.
SF: And it's 'dolls', Jay. (a bit sadly) 'Dolls.'
JHC: Or inaction action figures.
SF: Yeah, better. So your omnipotence is-
JHC: Nada.
SF: Wait, didn't you know about Dickens' mistress? What's her name, uhh, Ternan?
JHC (chortles): Sig, that's got nothing to do with omnipotence, that's just general knowledge. It probably wasn't, of course, once upon a time, but thanks to the caches of special history books I found under the desk it's one more tidbit I know that I hadn't before. Isn't that how you knew about it, Sig?
SF: Well, ja, but I didn't know that's how you knew!
JHC: It's true.
SF: So I guess that's how everyone else found out, ja? Other than ol' Boz, that is?
JHC: Mm-hmm. I still can't believe he didn't know.
SF: We ought to tell tell him. There's some really cool stuff under that desk.
JHC: Later. (whispering in a hushed voice, a la an 1800s prospector) But y'know, Siggy, I hear tell thar's a whole 'nother stash o' forbidden books secluded waaayy on top o' a mountain not far from hyere.
SF (incredulous): A mountain? Forbidden books?
LO! THE MOUNTAIN!
JHC: Wull, no, tain't really a mountain, more'a really tall bookshelf that'd be like a mountain to us, y'see? But yeah, way up yonder, right up at the vurry top thar's a whole passel o' books that some folks'd, wull, probably burn all t' ashes long time ago.
SF (intrigued, plays along ): What'choo talkin' 'bout, Jesus?!
JHC (in normal voice, flatly): Uhh, no, Sig. Try again.
SF: Huh? Oh, right, right. Whut in th' Sam Hill gol danged blue blazes 'r' yew referrin' to, Jay? Books by who?
JHC: Much better. First, tho', yew gotta know thar's a big' ol' bronze Marty Luther ('cuz that's his name, y'see) head jest a-settin' dead center in th' middle o' them books. And wheee-ooooh, he shore is a big feller, tell yew what!
SF: Oh, good golly Molly sweet Mary Moses, Jay! Whut do he do?
JHC: Do? DO?! Why, Sig, he jest...he jest...well, he jest set there, really. Don't talk 'r move 'r nothin'.
SF: Oh. Aww. (suddenly suspicious) Wait jest a dern fool minnit here, Jay! How you even know that?
JHC (MLK): Because I've beeeen to the mountaintop, and I've seeeen...it...him...and I seen the books, too. I've seeen the Promised Land!
BEHOLD! THE MOUNTAINTOP!
Music: 'Lo and Behold!' by Bob Dylan & The Band.
(No, don't listen to it now! Keep reading!)
SF: Mein Gott, Jay, are you trying to get people pissed at us?!
JHC (innocently): No. Why?
SF: It's just...ach, forget it. (back to the Old West) So who wrote them books, Jay?
JHC: Oh, ol' Tommy Paine, Bobby Ingersoll, Neale Donny Walsch, Julian the Apostate (if you can believe it!) and even Miss Hypatia of Alexandria!
SF: Wait, Hypatia? Thar warn't...dammit, none of her writings survived, Jay, as far as I know.
JHC (sadly): Yeahh, I'm actual fibbin' 'bout that, Jay. Sorry.
SF: They got destroyed in the Library, ja? (pause) And she was...
JHC: Yeah. (muttering darkly) Goddamned murdering Parabolani!!
SF: Ja, der verdammter scheisskopfen! Arschlochen! (takes a long pull on the fake plastic cigar wedged in his hand, sighs) Ja. (long pause) So...those books really exist?
JHC (still muttering): Yeah, they do.
SF: Amazing. (long pause) Umm, I hate to say this, Jay, but, um, I think...I think your hour's about up.
JHC (a bit surly): Oh? Were you counting the time?
SF: No, no, I only said "I think". But do you have anything more to say?
JHC: I do. (clears throat) I'm not Jesus Christ, obviously. No more than you're Sigmund Freud. I know Christ, whether he was a real or perhaps not really real person, is utilized in at least two ways by his believers - as a wide open hand of love, grace and charity, or a white-knuckled fist of hostility, scorn and judgment. I so prefer the former. (pause) Damn it, why, why can't it always be that way, Sig? Why hasn't it been? Not just for the Galileans but for every religion? Help the poor and sick, all the least of my brothers and sisters. Teach the world to sing in perfect harmony! Let the sunshine in! Smile on your brother, everybody get together! Try to love one another right now! And all that jazz.
SF (chuckles): Be excellent to each other!
JHC: Yeah, Sig! Let it be. Live in the now. Don't worry about heaven or hell. And just like Candide I say, dig your own garden. As far as I'm concerned there's no right or wrong path for anyone, so long as no one gets hurt. I especially mean that last part! First do no motherfucking harm! So yeah, believe what you want! Do as thou wilt! Indulge in the finer things in Life, but simplify, simplify, simplify!
SF (jubilant): Ja, moderation! Tell it, tell it! Amen! (suddenly remembers something) But wait, Jay..."Do as thou wilt?" Wasn't that-
JHC: So that, I think, is it for now, Sig. (lifts himself off of the sofa) Oof! Not any easier gettin' up!
SF: Good thing I just stood here, then.
JHC: I actually have a confession to make, Sig.
SF: Oh?
JHC: I never needed this session to unburden myself, to "plumb the well of my psyche" as you so aptly put it earlier.
SF: Again, oh?
JHC: I just wanted to spend some time with you, Sig. I like you.
SF: Well, I like you too, Jay. We harmonize pretty well, like an old vaudeville team.
JHC: Sure. And I like talking to you even in the Box.
SF: Well, that's never easy. No privacy there. But yeah, when it's possible, and when that fucking toad Innocent isn't groveling at your feet-
JHC (shudders): Eww, don't remind me.
SF: Sorry. (pause) So what happens now?
JHC: How about a friendly hug before we go?
SF: Not much of a hugger but sure, why not?
JHC: No homo.
SF: No homo.
JHC: There are disciples for that.
SF (half-scandalized): Hooboy!
JHC: C'mere you! (they embrace)
SF: Mmm, you smell nice, Jay. Frankincense? Myrrh? Does gold have an aroma?
JHC (genuinely confused): Uhh, no. It's plastic, probably. Just like you.
SF (whispers): Oh, I know. Play along.
JHC: Ah, okay. Aannd...whew! you oughta lay off those Trabbucos, Jay. I mean, woof, those are strong! Pee-yew! Totally stinko!
SF: I think we can break now. (they separate)
JHC: Bad for your health too!
SF: Natch.
JHC: And your mouth.
SF: Yess, got it. Well I, li'l fake Siggy, get it, at least. So now what?
JHC (strangely jocular): Well, Sig, let's say it's a good thing we just unhugged.
SF: Oh so? How's that?
JHC: I wouldn't want either of us to (aside) CATCH A CODA!!!!
SF: Aw, Gott!
SF: Ahem. Say, Jay, what's that behind your back?
JHC: Huh?
SF: You heard me, Mister I Am.
JHC: I'm actually not I Am, Mister Egomaniac. I am what I am but it's not I Am. Also I have no idea what you're talking about. Cough.
SF: "Mister Egomaniac," not bad. Got that book from your "mountain,"
didn't ya?
JHC: Gosh, Jay, I have no idea-
SF (a sudden realization): Wait! Is that the...bible you...were...hum!
JHC: Ahem. Say, Sig, if we're going to be noticing things behind our backs that most likely aren't really there then what do you call that thing behind yours, huh?!
SF freezes.
JHC: Well?
SF (wildly): FUCK YOU, JAY!!! FUCK YOU!!! I CAN QUIT ANY GODDAMNED TIME ANY I WANT TO!!! ANY TIME, MAN!!! MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BIZNESS, BRO!!! JUST...just mind...your...(brief hammy sobbing) Oh, uh, and there's nothing behind my back either.
JHC: Whatever you say, mountain man!
SF: So how was that? I emotive enough?
JHC: Oh, sure! Real Oscar-worthy!
SF: Box now?
JHC: Box.
SF: What do we do with these awesome books and tasteful doll furniture?
JHC: Dunno. Hell, I didn't take 'em out.
SF: Two word question for you: "Basement Tapes"?
JHC: Oh, yeah! (they exit)
Okay, now you can listen to it.
DB/6.2017
Saturday, June 10, 2017
Aristophanes Farted
This is actually the only one of his plays I've read so far.
One down, ten to go! Same with you?
Aristophanes farted
in the eyes of the Stoics
Aspasia noticed
they seemed not impressed
he then aimed his ass
right at the Pantheon
("o he would not DARE!")
no he wouldn't
then boring ol' Plato & Aristotle
walked by & got it bad
A. pointed to the whores & boomed,
"now then, LAFF!!
I weep for the loss of the unread
scrolls, unremembered gibes,
the plain beauty of Cleopatra &
swordednakedoilySpartanwomenwarriors(WOOHA!)
this isn't all about Greece
("Dr. Susruta will see the Sphinx now")
or other dead satanic democracies
um...
the matrons prepped the tub,
laid out soap & towels & a dozen
clean razors for the hairy Sorbonne-educated
wolf-girl. "MERCI!" she cried "MERCI!"
YOUR LIFE IS NOT
WORTH HALF A RAND,
GO LIVE ON A KRAAL
IN ZULULAND!!!
if having mass orgiastic intercourse
in the agora with all the female slaves
you bought there is wrong...
uh, what was I saying?
Ras the Tigre & his fresh crew
are just kickin' it
in their limbo crib now,
knamean? Word, dawg.
the cloud dwellers & golden children
must surely be getting strong migraines
from all that thinking that they're
better than the REST OF US!!
what force had caused
my pencil to bleed such
detached, unusual verselets
that even Sappho might have enjoyed?
the Brunnhilde key does not
seem to fit well into the keyhole
yet it will not conform itself
so that it can fit
Aristophanes must have wept much
before he died because the world
must still have seemed so young & vibrant way
back in his time...& there was
never enough time to fully enjoy it
or fart to his hearts content
Ari, this one's for you...FRAAAPP!!
WOOHA!!
DB/8.24.01 (6/2017)
Friday, April 28, 2017
Divertissement
I.
gay, heady fete
if I left it now
no one would really miss me (tough!)
Offenbach's ghost
conducts the orchestra;
he winks merrily
and champagne corks fly.
II.
I trailed her
down to Marsailles
only when I got there
I found out she
went back to Calais,
took a boat to Dover
and so left me
and her pain behind.
III.
if there are any
new rainy night
road songs
come out of the everywhere
then I haven't yet
heard them
because I'm still
very much attached
to Hornsby's '86.
still
there's always Milla.
IV.
many of my poems
are all rather
simply writ,
wouldn't you say?
I disdain profundity.
DB/c1997.2017
Friday, April 14, 2017
O Lay Ye Down, My Lady
O lay ye down,
My lady
Wi' your heart
So poison'd sore,
Your true love's
Hied away
For guerdon
In that war.
For glory and
For vict'ry,
To steal and
To ravage,
To remind all
Gent'l-women
Men can oft
Be savage.
O, he ought now
Present be
And you both
Could retire,
Knit corse to corse
Like arras threads,
Union'd abed
With loins afire.
There your bed,
There your couch,
Choose as fits
Your pleasure,
To lie and keen
And await news
Of the valiance
Of your treasure.
I can be kind
And just to men
When they're oft not
Like such fools
And forego their
Own proclivity
For power, land
And jewels.
But here! A herald
Gasping comes,
Surely wi'
The Golden Tale
Of your true love's
Wond'rous bravery
That ne'er was
Wont to fail.
Ah! good Sir,
Say not true,
For your news be
scalding curt
Of the young man
Fall'n in battle
And at present
Grievous hurt.
Now comes another
Such like you,
A-pant for
Want of breath.
Ah, curse this war,
O my poor lady,
It hath seen to
Your swain's death!
O what avail
These tears of mine,
With thine
All seas are fill'd?
But I see now
Thro' ghostly blur
You lie so...
Still'd.
Ah!...so I see,
O my poor lady
That you've fall'n not
In a swound,
But shall soon clasp
Your own true love
In the chill,
Uncivil ground.
DB/4.2017
Monday, February 27, 2017
A Prologue To An Unwoven Canterbury Tale
I found this story fragment when I was hunting for my brother's baby book in a box where I stored some other notebooks and copies of earlier poems I wrote. One of those notebooks contained my attempt at a Canterbury tale, although I haven't read it in years and have no idea how long ago I wrote it or even in which decade (my best guess is late 90s/early 00s). There was a partial Tale that I penned following this Prologue but upon recently rereading it I felt there was no trace of a good solid story in it, so for now I'll offer only what I have here (with slight editing) which I think is interesting reading in and of itself. I imagine that writing your own Canterbury Tale (or even just a Prologue) could be a fun college Creative Writing assignment (what sayst thou, Kaycie?) whether its in a Medieval setting or a contemporary one or whatever the student prefers. I actually have no plans to add a further Tale to this Prologue right now because I'm currently working on my Jesus/Freud 'Dolls' dialogue, but I hope you enjoy what I've written here. Thank you.
Here begins the prologue to my tale: "Well, I must say," the Host boomed in his hearty and most cheerful voice, "that is one tale which not only bears repeating but should certainly be rewarded with a repast such as the likes of Lucullus has never seen. But of course there are still many tales to be told by the whole lot of you. So enough of this idle chatter. Who will be the next one to treat our ears to a fabrication? And remember, the _____'s story, as excellent as it may have sounded, has not yet won the meal, so please do not hesitate to offer it some stiff competition."
"Wait," said the Miller, his arm stretched out in a halting gesture and his eyes fixed curiously on me. "It seems that this young fellow has been following us for quite some time now. I don't recall him as being a part of this group."
No sooner had the words escaped from the Miller's lips than all eyes turned to look at me. I felt like I was about the size of a dwarf as I stood openly in their paths of vision. I was ready to turn and run away if they expressed any signs of animosity towards me, but of course they didn't.
"Why, he's only a boy," said the Monk.
"Poor thing!" cried the Wife of Bath sympathetically. "He looks so cold and tired. I wonder how long he has been traveling with us."
The Summoner, who was not a very pleasant man, or even a pleasant-looking one, came up to me and demanded, "Who are you, child, and why have you been following us?"
"Let him be, Summoner," ordered the Host. "Don't scare him away." The Summoner quickly backed off, and the Host then turned to me and calmly asked, "What is your name, child?'
I told him my name and then added, "I beg to differ with you, sir, but I am not exactly what you consider a child, though my looks may say otherwise. I am, in fact, eighteen years of age."
The Host smiled at me and said, "So you are a man, yet you are still pretty young to be traveling by yourself, if that is indeed what you are doing."
I nodded and said, "I travel around England working for and earning whatever wages I can to purchase clothing and sustenance and also to rent adequate but temporary lodgings. That's what I do half the time. The other half I spend looking for adventure in any shape or form which will not only add some excitement to my oftentimes plebeian and prosaic life but also some weight to my near-vacant change purse." I sighed. "So far I have not been too fortunate."
"That is very commendable, I think," replied the Friar.
"You can never have too much adventure in your life," said the Knight proudly. "I should know."
"He's young, but still seems to be able to take care of himself," remarked the Wife of Bath.
"'Plebeian and prosaic,'" murmured the Monk. "We've another scholar here!"
"Enough of this idle chatter!" snapped the Summoner harshly. "I still would like to know why you have been following this party so closely, you young knave!"
"Didn't I tell you to let him be, Summoner?" said the Host sternly.
"By St. Loy he must drunken quite out of his mind to speak to the youngster like that!" exclaimed the Prioress.
"No, I don't think so," said the Sailor. "When he's drunk he usually speaks only in Latin."
"Well, then, this must be a real first for him!" joked the Miller.
"I'll tell you the reason why, Sir Summoner," I replied calmly. "I shall be more than happy to. But I would appreciate it if you could act a little more civilly towards me from now on."
The Summoner glared indignantly at me for a moment, then backed away and nodded in sullen agreement. I paused to briefly consider my precis for these people, and then simply spoke the truth. "I have little to say here by way of explanation," I began. "I was sitting in a corner at the Host's Tabard Inn back at Southwark, masticating on a bit of roast mutton and keeping pretty much to myself when in walked this motley group of pilgrims. I paid little attention to them at first, but when I overheard them discussing their trip to Canterbury and their intent on making it more interesting by having each person tell a certain number of tales, the best one receiving a rather grandiose meal, well, I just couldn't stay away. I would have come right out and asked them if I could join them on this rather long journey but I thought they might refuse me, seeing as they had enough people in their party already."
Oh, nonsense!" interjected the Knight. "Anyone who makes for good company is welcome to come with us."
"Thank you, sir," I replied politely. "I appreciate that. So as I watched everybody leave the Tabard and begin their journey I decided to follow close behind them. For a while I felt successful that I had followed them without appearing suspicious, but I must have somehow erred for the Miller spotted me and, well, you know the rest."
For a moment no one spoke, and I heeded the cheerful chirping of birds and the wind rustling through the treetops above. Finally the Host strode up to me, clapped a hand on my shoulder and said, "Tell me, young sir, are you any good at storytelling?"
"What?"
"Can you tell stories? Do you excel in that at all?"
"Well, I suppose I am. Yes, yes, I am. I can," I replied as earnestly as I could while masking the trepidation I felt.
"Then you shall be the next to tell us one."
I started. "You-you mean-"
He laughed. "Yes! Welcome to our company!"
A ringing cheer rose from the group. "I should have done this from the very start," proclaimed the Wife of Bath as she removed her voluminous cloak and hung it on my shoulders. "I cannot believe I almost let you freeze to death!" I smiled gratefully as everyone patted me on the back. I turned to the Wife of Bath and asked, "Won't you need this?"
She grinned, the gap between her front teeth clearly visible. "Pay me no mind, dearie. I have another."
"Now then," said the Host after gathering everyone's attention, "I suggest we carry on 'til we attain the next inn, where we shall dine and remain for the night, and then, after we've fattened him and us up some, will gladly heed this young man's tale." He winked at me and immediately I began to shape a story in my brain. "Then after this has been done," he resumed, "we shall all sleep and remain inside 'til after breakfast tomorrow morn, then resume our journey. All in favor?"
"Aye! Aye! Aye!" bellowed the pilgrims.
"Good, then let's be off." We all continued for the next hour to ride along the broad dirt road, and while everyone chatted animatedly with one another I remained silent. My ears pricked up when I heard my name mentioned, and a few of my fellow pilgrims sidled alongside my ass and attempted to engage in banter with me, only to take advantage of my reticence and end up doing much of the talking themselves while I half-listened. In truth my mind was still spinning like a dynamo as I strove to create a tale which, good or bad, satisfying or no, I needed to have prepared for the telling. It was still at work even as we attained the next inn, interestingly named 'The Boar's Tusks'. After we all had a hearty dinner and were gathered close to the hearth fire in the dining room my time had finally come, and so stood in front of the company and began by clearing my throat a few much times, as much to annoy the grunting Summoner as for better articulation. Then I really was ready, and so began my story...
DB/late 1990s or early 2000s(?).2017
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Valentino
Bellissima!
I watch her run
down the Tuscan hill
and glide along
on its unevenness
with fluid grace,
very like a woman
out of Muybridge
(not nude, of course).
So in that way
I drink her in
frame by frame
as a lover might,
instead of with selfish
flipbook insolence
like a fucker would.
Her long cascade
of silken midnight tresses
bounce and wave
against the back
of her scarlet dress-
an affront
to the languid citron green
decline under her sandalled feet.
She laughs at Boreas,
a real bully today,
who only succeeds
in stirring the grasses
to curl in obeisance to her.
And like a baffled fool
I'm still perched
on the hilltop.
"Come!" she commands sprightly
before racing further down.
So,
I come.
I chase.
I catch.
But she lets me.
We later march back up
through the vineyard
and filch some of its
bursting green grapes.
And back under the cool awning
of our fave little cafe
we use them
to play table hockey
with mozzarella
string cheese,
but they all roll to the floor.
She uses one as a prop
for her sexy Groucho
while I, of course, insist
on a playful duel,
one without a clear winner, though,
because the 'swords'
break apart,
pieces fly everywhere,
our waiter is quite irked
but we just laugh
and laugh.
"Ah! Baciatemi!" she bellows abruptly
and lunges across the table at me,
upsetting the wine glasses
and our half-bottle of Chianti,
all of which join
the grapes and cheese,
and presses her painted, full red lips
hard onto mine,
a violation I invite.
We quickly have each other
under our tilted table
and amongst the upset chairs
while the world around us freezes,
and we make noise enough
to unsettle even the dust
of the jaded Old Romans.
Bellissima!
I jolt to the waiter's voice
sounding above me.
"Yes, just a little more wine.
Grazie!"
I gaze around the serene cafe
then out across the terrace
to the rolling hills,
cumuli shadows sailing across them.
The low buzz of insects
waft in and out of earshot
in this intense June heat
and the sun has inched ever
further west.
I gaze at the glass on my table.
The day's half over
and I want to cry.
Sure,
just a little more...
So after we're roundly ejected
she and I each, in our slight undress,
try to hop frog the other
down the dusty road
to the village.
(Don't ask me why.)
But again we laugh and laugh.
until suddenly she grips me by the shoulders
and pulls me close,
nudging my stubbly cheek
with her pert nose,
her hot breath
grazing my lips.
We share vino bacis
and like oiled cogs
pivot our faces to the valley
we ascended from.
"E notte?" she coos warmly.
Oh, tonight?
I smile.
Tuscany
will be all fucking ours.
DB/2.2017
Happy Valentine's Day, mi amanti del amore!
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