Idylls & Curiosities: June 2024

Natur, ERWACHE!

Who won the war?

Januswaves (Readymade #2)

Albino Kermit the Snake Head (Readymade #3)

Elton John Panem Solvit (Readymade #4)

Panem cum Salami Iratus (Readymade #5)

Victor Hugo (singing): "Master of the house,

doling out the charm,

ready with a handshake and an open palm"

-huh? what's that?

Benjamin Franklin (from below): Oof! Ugh! Arrgh! Ouch!

VH: Now who's that climbing up here? Wow, whoever he is he moves pretty quick for a paunchy fellow!

BF (same, muttering to himself): My God, there is just way too much simulated boinking in that box today, and I'm Ben Franklin! Just gotta get away for a bit, climb up here to get away from those randy people! Oof! Almost there! A little bit more aand-there! Whew! Made it! AAHHH!!! OH, MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT?!!!

VH: Hey.

BF: OH, MY GOD, IT'S A WHITE PERSON!!! AND HE TALKS!!! OH. MY. GOOOOOOOOD!!

VH: You done?

BF: Yep, yep. Just a little drama for the handful of readers of this guy's blog. And hey yourself!

VH: A handful is probably a bit too generous a measurement. And 'The White People'? Really? Racist much?

BF: Nnoo, not really. Aren't you made of white marble or something? Like the others with you?

VH: Most of the others. You haven't met us all yet. But yeah, on further reflection maybe 'White People' is apt. Okay, I rescind my racism accusation.

BF: Thanks. So what happens now? Intros? We're not supposed to have known each other from before now, right?

VH: I doubt it. So...hm, well, as you can see I can't seem to bow or shake hands with you but I'm Vic Hugo, largely unread 19th century giant of French literature. Pleased ta meet'cha, Mr.-?

BF: Ben Franklin, 18th century Anglo-American, randy jack-of-all-trades. Charmed, I'm sure.

VH: Cool.

BF: Verily. So I think our tribes are supposed to meet up eventually - uh, the 'Dolls' and the 'White People', I guess we are?

VH: Sounds about right, if a bit unfair. And wrong.

BF: But when?

VH: Dan knows? I'm not gonna hold my breath waiting. Not that I could because I can't really draw breath.

BF: Nor can I. Well, I guess I ought to head back down now and let the others know I'm all right. (muttering) Not that they care.

VH: That's probably a good idea. Rosie's coming to take my place here soon, anyway. She's another *sigh* 'White Person' such as I am.

BF: Oh. Should I stay and introduce myself to her?

VH: Nah, not now. Maybe whenever the meet-up's gonna happen.

BF: Sounds good. Okay, I'll see you soon, Vic! And I think I'll make a dramatic exit here by falling backwards off this plateau. I mean, I am plastic so I probably won't break apart on the carpeting below.

VH: Go for it, Ben! Au revoir!

BF: Bye, Vic! Here I GOOOOOOOOOOO!

VH: Ouch. Maybe. HEY, BEN?!

BF (from far below): 'Sall good, Vic! Nothing broken, incredibly! Catch you later!

VH: OKAY, SEE YA! Man, what a cool guy! I miss him already. Heh, I'm actually feeling pretty good right now. I don't think anything could ruin-

Suddenly Rosette appears at his side.

Rosette: Space. Beads. Leave. Now.

VH: Aw, merde!

BEHOLD! The lost Altar of the Ice Goddess Virgilia in the Red Tube Caves of the planet Grilsoom has finally been discovered! (Oh, just go with it!) (Readymade #6)

RED ALERT! RED ALERT! You sprung a trap (?) as you neared the lost Altar of the Ice Goddess Virgilia in the Red Tube Caves of the planet Grilsoom. (What in the hell were you THINKING?!)