President Trump Deports Pranksters to British Islands

 

 

TheUnyun

WASHINGTON, D.C.-President Trump has deported Vince Hardy and Tyler "Woot!" Schroeder, two phone pranksters lately of Newport News, Virginia, to the Scilly Islands located just off of England's southwest coast. The teens allegedly phoned the White House, got connected to the President in the Oval Office, and alternately imitated the character Hannibal Lecter from the 1991 film The Silence of the Lambs, inviting him to dine not only on the famous "liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti" but also on "an amuse-douche, schmuck a l'orange, boob-labaisse, with some Stoli vodka." "If these two clowns want to be silly," the President said today, "they can go to those islands where all the silly people are."

 

DB/4.23.2025

 

2026 Masters Canceled In Advance, President Trump Awarded Green Jacket

 

 

Sy (SI)

AUGUSTA, GA.-Officials at the Augusta National Golf Club have, much to the chagrin of next year's would-be competitors, canceled the 2026 Masters Tournament and proactively awarded the coveted Green Jacket to President Trump. "Finally I'm getting recognized for my spectacular golf game," he said today. "This is a huge honor, and only proves I'm the greatest golfer ever, even better than that Jack Nicholson loser." 

 

DB/4.19.2025