Nervous

 A guy drove with his girlfriend to the local mall (as a way to make up for supposedly leering at her best friend in a suspiciously sexy way (he was actually stifling a sneeze)) so she could meet her favorite TV star, who was making a fifteen minute appearance at the food court.
 When they arrived there the guy joined the rapidly forming line while his girlfriend freshened up in the washroom. And when she rejoined him a few minutes later the guy noticed that her hands were dripping wet.
 "Your hands are dripping wet, Irina," he said. "Did you forget to dry them?"
 "I didn't wash my hands, Vassily!" Irina replied curtly. "I didn't need to."
 "Oh. Sorry," muttered Vassily. And as the line moved forward some more Vassily noticed that Irina was standing in a small pool of yellow liquid.
 "You're standing in a pool of yellow liquid, Irina," he said. "Did you spill your Diet MelloYello?"
 "No, I didn't spill my Diet MelloYello, Vassily!" she replied hotly. "I don't even have any Diet MelloYello! I don't even like Diet MelloYello! God, what the hell is the matter with you?!"
 "Sorry, Irina, sorry," Vassily mumbled, his cheeks flaming red. Then the line moved forward a little bit more and for about five minutes Vassily busied himself by making an Incan quipu out of some string he found in his windbreaker pocket, so he wasn't looking at Irina at all during this time. When he noticed how close they were getting to the table where the TV star sat he turned to see if Irina was ready - and also to proudly show her what he had done with his bit of string. He was not a little surprised to see that his girlfriend was, from head to toe, drenched in sweat and exuding a rather unpleasant odor.
 Everybody who was in line behind them was long gone.
 The people in front of them remained but had carved out a wide swath of space between themselves and Irina.
 Now Vassily was not a dumb young man. True, he may have been a little daft sometimes, but he was savvy enough to piece this particular puzzle together.
 "I think we'd better go, Irina," he said softly, leading her gently away by the arm. When she balked at this Vassily replied, "The dog from 'Frasier' will come back again someday. Right now what you need is a nice, long, hot, soapy shower."
 And as she fell into his arms and cried bitterly Irina knew that Vassily was right on both counts.



DB/c1998,2014